Passing the Burden
by Levana Fay
Summary: When I appear on Eden Prime and promptly die, Ashley is left in possession of my knowledge of the future. Will she believe what she reads? Will she use it? S/I sort of. Ashley centric, Shenko. Summary altered 30/04/13.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Passing the Burden.

Rating: T for violence.

Summary: You've all read of the ordinary person who gets aboard the Normandy and has a hand in shaping the events of mass effect (hopefully for the good), but what if the S/I character didn't make it? Self insert. Sort of. Ashley centric, Shenko.

A.N.: To be honest I hated Ashley, so this is going to be an interesting test of my self control. The Shepard in this is going to be my Vanguard spacer/sole survivor  
Paragon, because I liked her the most.

* * *

I sighed and twirled my pen between my fingers in boredom. I didn't often write fan fiction on paper anymore, preferring to simply type things out as they come to me on the computer to save paper (and the extra work of then having to type it up afterwards), but today I'd had the feeling that doing it the old fashioned way would be a good idea.

I have loads of fics that are still in progress but somehow the drive to start a new one, in a category I'd never written in before, was overwhelming. I just didn't know what to write. I'd sat here for about an hour, fiddling with my pen, doodling in the margins of my lined paper and basically coming up empty on a story line. So why was the need to write something for Mass Effect so strong?

I dropped my head to the desk in exasperation, I'd learned a long time ago that I couldn't simply force the words out, so all I could do was either wait for the right thought to strike me, or attempt to work through the creative block by going over what I already had. I scoffed a little at that; what I currently had was a couple of doodles, no words yet. Great. I groaned and picked my head off my desk. OK, time to work through this.

First things first; what didn't I like about Mass Effect? I tapped the pen against my lips as I considered the question. A few things; mostly that the council never listens to you about the Reapers and the Collectors, Ashley, that Udina only seems to be out for himself, Cerberus, Miranda, that you can only take two crew members with you on a mission, that your dialogue choices never seemed to say what you clicked on... ok forget that.

What would I change if I could? A slow smile spread across my face and I quickly jotted down the major choices and their consequences throughout Mass Effect 1 and 2. Well I say quickly; it actually took me an hour because I had to look some stuff up on the wiki. My memory isn't _that_ good. I vacillated on whether to write down what happens in number 3. If I make changes to 1 and 2, will the decisions of 3 be relevant anymore? I shrugged, wrote down the more salient points of 3 and then sat back in my chair. I now had a place to start. I quickly snatched up the papers before they could blow away and- wait, what?

I glanced sharply around and then froze. Where the hell was I? Just a second ago I had been sat at my writing desk in my room at home, now I was outside, sat on a crate near what looked like a few port-a-cabins. I panicked. My heart hammered in my chest as I stood and spun in a sharp circle, looking for anything that looked remotely like a way back to familiar ground, but the grassy cliffs, futuristic shelters and angry red sky were unfamiliar. - ... well it **was** familiar, but impossible. I had to be hallucinating. or dreaming, but I'd be properly attired in a dream, wouldn't I?

I hastily rolled up my papers and tucked them up my sleeve around my arm so I wouldn't lose them and looked around again. I wanted to move -_so badly_- but I wasn't sure where I should go. Should I even move from here? Maybe someone would appear who would help me get home. I glanced up at the sky again and shuddered. That was just... unnatural. I jolted in fright at a sudden but distant burst of gunfire. Decision made; I leave, fast.

I sped through the area, running away from the gunfire, but it still seemed to be closing in behind me. I tossed a glance over my shoulder to see just how close it was and my foot caught on something, pitching me forwards into the dirt. I sprawled awkwardly; I never had gotten the hang of 'falling correctly', and since I had only had 3 lessons in karate, because I was too self-conscious to make myself stay any longer, it was safe to say I never would.

Voices accompanied the gunfire as I struggled to my feet, wincing in pain from my now sprained ankle and jarred elbow. I scowled at myself, and set off hobbling as quick as I could manage, forcing myself not to look behind me again. Each step was difficult, but my inner coward kept me moving away from danger. Just not fast enough.

One minute I was hobbling steadily, the next I was lifted off my feet by an impact on my back, throwing me to the ground and leaving me screaming in agony. My back felt like it was on fire, wave after wave of pain crashed over me, it was all I could think about, it was all that mattered. The gunfire had caught up with me, voices shouted at one another, mostly in desperation and fear, but their words were lost on me, almost drown out by my screams.

Hands grabbed me and carefully turned me to my side, but despite their care they simply triggered more pain. I sobbed and screamed at them, first to help me, then to leave me alone, but they ignored my words. After a while I began to calm slightly and hear them clearly, even though the pain hadn't faded. Was this shock, or desperation? I peered up at the people around me through my tears and choked on my saliva; Ashley Williams, my least favourite member of the team and the one I happily sacrificed on Virmire, was holding on to my hand. If I was in my right mind right then I would have felt terribly guilty, but her words stopped most of my thought processes.

"Her spine's been severed at her lower back by the shot, anyone have any medi-gel?"

"Medi-gel's not going to heal a spinal injury, Williams."

"Does anyone have any?!" she shouted back.

"No."

"Damnit!" she shook her head and then whipped it around to look at the rest of her team. "What about medical training? Anyone-?"

"No, Williams. I'm sorry but we don't have time or resources to waste on her and she's giving away our position!"

That sentence spurred me in to action. While I may not get on to the Normandy, somehow I had already squandered my chance, Ashley would. I made a desperate grab for her shoulder and brought her close to me, to make her focus on me.

"Listen to me!" I said, pain giving an unusual intensity to my words. "I came to help you."

"What?" She cut me off unhelpfully to stare at me in confusion and what little patience I had managed to scrounge up fizzled out.

"Listen! I came from-" damn, she would never believe I came from an alternate dimension where her life was simply part of a game called Mass Effect. "-the future." Oh, brilliant. She'll believe that one. Nice going.

"She's delirious." Supplied one of her squad mates sympathetically. Suddenly the gunfire started up again and I knew I was about to either be left for dead (because they couldn't carry me around) or put out of my misery, which to be honest, if I didn't have something incredibly important to tell her, I would have welcomed. Ashley turned and picked up her weapon from where she had dropped it by my side, but I increased my grip and jerked her back to me. A brief expression of anger crossed her features, which I ignored.

"You will meet up with Commander Shepard and Kaidan Alenko very soon. Just you; your squad will be dead. They are here with a Turian spectre called Nihlus. He's dead. Saren killed him." I shuddered as a fresh wave of pain crossed me. I held up my arm with my papers rolled around it in my sleeve. "Take these, they'll help to reshape the future." I winced at the incredulous and angry expression she was pinning me with and waited, very impatiently, as she pulled the papers out of my sleeve. She folded them without looking at them. She was humouring me. That's actually quite nice of her considering the stuff I've said and the fire fight going on behind us.

"Chief!" One of her squad shouted desperately. "A little help here?!"

"Don't leave me to those things." I entreated quietly, and she hesitated, then reluctantly nodded. My hope was, like any fanfic writer, that death would send me home. Part of me wished I'd had an adventure before hand, but the majority of me really wanted to go home and escape the pain that constantly pulsed through me. She levied her weapon at my heart, her face showing her inner turmoil; she'd joined up to kill the enemy not civilians, but she'd do it. "Thanks." I said, and I meant it. She squeezed the trigger and everything went black.

I jerked back to reality, my pulse running a mile a minute and looked around, a slightly hysterical laugh bubbling out of me in relief upon seeing my bedroom. I was once again at my desk. I must have fallen asleep thinking about what to write. I looked at my desk and froze. My papers were gone. Had that really happened? I reached my hands to my back and felt the undamaged skin in shocked silence. I guess I'll never know.

* * *

Ashley Williams lowered her weapon, her breath hitching as the young girl sprawled before her stopped breathing, the last of her tears leaking down her frozen face. She attempted to clamp down on the grief that was assaulting her; the girl only _looked_ like one of her sisters, but she wasn't. She had told herself the same thing several times after following the wild screams to the thrashing and crying youth, but it didn't make it easier to see her glassy eyes, to know that her life had been cut short. By her.

She quickly closed the girls eyes and joined the battle with her squad mates, channelling her anger, frustration and grief into action, gunning down the Geth even as more appeared, their reinforcements seemingly endless. She knew that her position was being overrun, but she continued to hold it until one of her own fell. It was the straw that broke the camel's back.

With a shout of rage she leapt up from cover and showered the Geth in rounds, her shields depleting as she took all of their fire, allowing the remainder of her squad to fall back. Her weapons overloaded and she dropped back into cover just as her shield fizzled out. She tried not to look at the girls corpse or at the body of her fallen comrade, but her eyes seemed to be drawn to them of their own freewill. Taunting her.

This wasn't supposed to happen, not on Eden Prime! It was the damn poster world for Human colonisation, a farm world. Who would attack this place? Why? The Geth answered her unspoken question by unleashing more fire upon her hiding spot. Geth. Outside the Veil. How come no one had warned them about this? She instinctively ducked her head as part of the rock she was huddled behind chipped off.

It was no good, she'd have to move or they would get close enough to cut off all her escape routes. She hated to give more ground to the machines, but she had to get to safety, and that meant leaving behind the fallen. Her shield reactivated and she quickly sent a look heavenward before bolting from the rock towards a more distant outcropping, ignoring the guilty voices in the back of her mind telling her she was abandoning her friend and the girl.

The accuracy of the Geth unnerved her, most of their shots were striking her shield and she was barely halfway to cover. With a snarl she was forced to barrel roll into cover as her shield was once more depleted. She didn't stop though. She quickly picked herself up and dashed forward, rejoining the last few members of her squad.

The going was tough, over the next few minutes the Geth were joined by drones and they were forced to give ground a further three times, and she lost a member of her squad each time. She was alone. The Geth were much fewer in number now, but they still relentlessly pursued her through what was once a beautiful country side, now a battleground. She had to fight for every step she took until eventually she simply ran, hoping to put some much needed distance between them. She needed to regroup, to get into a better position, anything. She refused to die giving ground to those things. She just needed to find a good defensible position and turn the tables on them.

Her shield fizzed as shots impacted and she swiftly threw herself into a dive, turning to shoot the drones out of the air and skidded to a halt. What she saw nearly stopped her heart. One of the colonists was being laid over an odd piece of technology by a couple of Geth. She stood, readying her weapon to shoot them while they were distracted but the technology activated, shooting a long metal rod through the man's chest and lifting him about ten feet off the ground.

She blanched in horror and turned to run as the Geth looked at her. She just knew that they were intending to do that to her. Had that been the fate of the rest of the colonists, of her squad? She hid behind a rock to catch her breath and slowly peered out from behind it. The Geth were advancing. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves, cocked her weapon and rounded the rock, peppering the closest Geth. It raised its weapon to return fire when suddenly more shots started to hit it.

Ashley didn't dare stop firing to look for whoever was helping her, she just carried on shooting until its shield went down. Suddenly the Geth was covered in the blue light of Biotics and it was yanked up into the air. It flailed and was easily torn apart by concentrated fire. Ashley allowed the first smile of the morning to cross her face, one down one to go. This one was thrown backwards instead of lifted, and they made short work of it. The victory was heartening, even if it had come too late.

Ashley quickly scanned the area for her rescuers and saw two people, a man and a woman, jogging down the slope towards her. Once they got closer, Ashley easily recognised the N7 logo on the armour of the woman and felt her eyebrows rise. An N7, here? She snapped to attention, focussing on the woman and saluted.

"Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. Are you in charge here, ma'am?" She asked, hoping that she hadn't made a mistake. The N7 returned her salute and then stepped closer to her, looking her over for injuries.

"I'm Commander Jane Shepard, this is Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. Are you injured?"

"N-no ma'am." Ashley stuttered, shocked. Hadn't that girl told her she would meet up with these two, and that her squad would be de?- wait. What was she thinking? The poor girl had been on her damn death bed, she'd been delirious. Ashley had already forgotten most of what she had said, the names were probably just similar to what she had spouted towards the end. She shook her head, more at herself than in answer to Shepard's question.

"What happened here, Chief?" Shepard asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

After she had answered Shepard's questions and been asked to join up with her, she decided to put the girl's words out of her mind. It was coincidence, nothing more.

* * *

A.N.: Yes, my self insert is dead and gone from this fic already, she won't be returning. She was a facilitator, nothing more. Now its Ashleys' show.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A.N.: Thank you to Endrius for reviewing!

* * *

Going back the way she had come was difficult for Ashley, but this time she wasn't alone, and both of her companions were Biotics, which gave them an edge. That edge saved their lives upon their first encounter with... whatever the Geth had done to the fallen. Having seen one of the colonists get pierced by those spikes, it was painfully obvious what those cybernetic creatures being lowered off of them had once been. It had been terrifying to realise that the transformation had taken a remarkably short time.

She hadn't spent a lot of time trying to get to know the colonists, why should she when Eden Prime was an idyllic, peaceful farming colony? They hadn't needed her here, and she desperately wanted to be where she was needed, like on a combat deployment, rather than glorified guard duty.

Watching as the almost completely synthetic corpses had rushed at them mindlessly; that had been tough. It was lucky that the 'husks' didn't resemble anyone she knew anymore, or she may not have been able to fire on them. Watching her unit being gunned down had been hard enough, if she'd had to watch them rush headlong at her, unflinching and unaware of pain, injury, who they were... she shuddered.

Commander Shepard and Staff Lieutenant Alenko had used a Biotic push to keep the husks away, as they seemed to overload as soon as they were in reach of living people. That hurt, feeling the electrical pulses hit them and their shields go down. Complete vulnerability while being rushed by a swarm of former humans was something Ashley hoped never to experience again.

She had tried going straight for head shots, but in a pinch she'd taken to blowing their legs off to try and slow them down. It was nerve wracking to the extreme, and by the end of the first swarm, she was dreading getting to the dock where all of the workers had been. Since the beacon had been moved there from the dig site that morning, that meant that most of the scientists and workers would have been there to secure it when the Geth had shown up.

Well, at least she was in good company. Both Shepard and Alenko had dispatched the enemy with such deadly efficiency that they made it seem easy, and Ashley found herself wishing there had been a few biotics in her squad, perhaps then more than just her would have survived. But they hadn't, she reminded herself, and wishing things were different wouldn't help anyone. She had a job to do, so she would do it, even if it was once again guard duty.

Ashley shifted nervously, watching the camp, alert for any sign of more hostiles. The Commander was inside the building behind her, talking to two of the scientists that had hidden from the Geth. Well, she was talking to one of them, the other was obviously crazy and spouting nonsense. It had taken a lot of self discipline for Ashley to simply leave the shelter without losing it at the man.

She turned her head as she heard someone move behind her. Alenko nodded to her as he walked down the ramp from the shelter, and came to stand beside her. Obviously the commander was the only one with the patience to deal with the science types. The corner of her mouth turned up in brief amusement and she shot a sly look at Alenko. He caught the look and chuckled.

"I lasted longer than you, Chief." he reminded her and she grinned in earnest.

"I had to watch our flank, sir, couldn't do that in there." She threw back playfully. He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Right. Of course you couldn't." he smirked at her, but she noticed the amusement didn't reach his eyes. She nearly groaned, hoping against hope that he wasn't about to go all 'sensitive' on her. "How are you holding up?" he asked, trying to be nonchalant about it, but the question hit her like a slap to the face anyway. So much for her hopes.

"How do you think I am?" she snapped back, before clenching her jaw. It wouldn't do to piss off a superior. Understanding could only go so far. "Look, sir, I understand what you're- I just... we have a mission to finish." she finished lamely, scowling out across the rolling fields of Eden Prime. She'd known that some of her unit would die in combat, but seeing it happen... watching them fall and not get back up... shooting that girl, a civilian, even if was an act of mercy... no she couldn't talk about it. Not yet.

"Got it." Kaidan replied uncomfortably, causing a momentary twinge of guilt to flash through Ashley. He was trying to be nice, and it was kind of his job to assess his team, but... she didn't even want to think about it. Staring back towards the dig site, an uncomfortable thought struck her.

"Hey, LT? How long do you think it actually takes for a person to be... 'husked'." she asked. Kaidan shrugged and sighed.

"I don't know... we haven't had the chance to observe the transformation, just the beginning and the end result. Why?"

"Those colonists that were stuck on those spikes, you know... when we met up. Do you think they'll be let loose soon?" she asked hesitantly, turning to look him in the eye. "I don't want any of those things sneaking up behind us." she saw him frown and look back down the dirt path leading towards where they had met, obviously that thought hadn't occurred to him.

"We'll let the commander know of our concerns, but Captain Anderson made it clear that the beacon was our priority." he replied, just as the door behind them opened and Commander Shepard exited the building. She closed the door behind her and locked it before turning to her teammates.

"Well, that was an interesting diversion." she said wryly, shaking her head at the scientists she had just left. Alenko glanced at Ashley and then stepped up to his Commander.

"Commander, we have concerns." he said, bringing Shepard up short. Ashley observed the N7 while Kaidan filled her in on their conversation. She held herself with confidence, but she didn't give the impression that she was aloof. If anything, it gave her an undeniable presence, one of a leader who felt at ease with being in control, a natural. Just looking at her, Ashley could feel her own confidence returning, along with her thirst for revenge. With Shepard and Alenko by her side those metal bastards would regret ever setting foot on Eden Prime!

"What about the scientists? Will they be ok here?" Alenko asked, pulling Williams from her mental carnage.

"They'll be fine behind that door; it'll only unlock from the inside and they know to wait for rescue teams. Captain Anderson will relay their position to the forces on Eden Prime that haven't taken part in defending from the Geth. I know it looks bad, but according to the Captain, the Geth concentrated their attacks around the space port and the dig site. Practically all of the rest of the colony was unaffected." Shepard looked at Ashley. "I doubt these creatures are made in a few minutes, judging from the sheer amount of cybernetics in their bodies. We should be fine to complete our mission without constantly looking over our shoulders, but be alert regardless."

"Yes ma'am." Ashley and Alenko responded in unison. Shepard nodded and pointed her weapon to the dirt path leading to the space port.

"Nihlus will meet us at the dock. Move out!" Ashley's brow creased as she hurried to form up on Shepard, where had she heard that name before? she shook her head and followed close behind the Commander as they advanced towards the dock, turning just before they rounded the corner to make sure nothing was creeping up behind them. So far so good.

Just then a single shot rang out, causing the three of them to stand flush against the hill, weapons at the ready. No other sounds accompanied the shot, which was odd. Shepard motioned them forward with hand signals and they swiftly and silently rounded the hill only to freeze in shock. A truly huge squid-like ship was rising up from the space port, energy crackling along its almost black hull and out in to the dark, ominous clouds.

"Look at the size of that thing!" Ashley exclaimed, silence forgotten in the face of the monstrosity currently rising up in preparation to leave the atmosphere. They watched open-mouthed as it shot up, straight as an arrow, and disappeared from sight. Then the Geth attacked them. They had time to duck into cover, but they ended up having to leave it as more of the husk things sprinted towards them from the dock area. The battle passed in a blur of action and adrenaline as they cut down their enemy, clearing the area of every piece of technology that was moving of its own volition. That was when they found their first dead body.

"Commander! It's Nihlus." Alenko reported sadly, gesturing towards the corpse and stepping away so Shepard could get a closer look. Ashley grimaced when she got her glance of the Turian laying in a pool of blue blood. It wasn't pretty, the shot that had killed him had come from behind, his face was... a mess, to put it nicely.

"Sniped?" she asked, voicing her opinion of the cause of his demise.

"Maybe, or a lucky shot from behind when his shields fell." Shepard replied, with a shrug. "He could have been taking cover behind these crates, got up to return fire and..."

"No, that's not what happened!" a panicky male voice said. Ashley had her weapon in his direction before he could finish his sentence. "Don't shoot! Please! I'm human, I'm one of you!" he pleaded.

"Come out where we can see you, hands in the air!" She growled, her weapon trained on the weasely man that appeared from behind the crates, shaking like a leaf. He was dressed in overalls; a dock worker then. Shepard looked him over, obviously came to the same conclusion, and then gestured at Nihlus' corpse.

"You know how he died?" She asked the terrified man, he nodded his head vigorously and explained what had happened. The name Saren hit a chord in Ashley. Did she know that name? One of her squad mates had been called Sarah, maybe that was why it sounded familiar? She puzzled over this sense of Déjà vu as they left the Dock worker and made their way towards the space port, where the beacon had been moved that morning.

This strange feeling had been coming over her frequently since the fighting had started, could it have anything to do with that civilian girl? She couldn't have really known the future, that was just stupid, but she could have been working with the enemy. Maybe she had gotten cold feet, or being shot had made her switch sides. Perhaps she had simply overheard this Saren character and tried to warn someone about the attack. What was written on those papers she had handed to her? The urge to read them was strong, but the wind whipped around them as they sped along on the tram line and she didn't want to risk losing them to a strong gust.

It was just one thing after another. Once the tram stopped and she had the opportunity to read the papers, they had spotted a bomb. Kaidan quickly diffused it, but then the Geth began to shoot at them. Kaidan had informed them over the noise of battle that there were three other bombs around the tram station and they were all armed. The next few minutes were a desperate flurry of activity to take out the enemy in time to stop the bombs blowing. After all bombs were disarmed, all Geth were dead and the beacon was secured, all thoughts of the papers were gone from Ashley's mind.

Standing on the platform with the beacon, she huffed uneasily. The beacon was intact, which just made her confused about what had happened. If the Geth and this Saren had wanted the beacon, had attacked this world for it, why leave it? Shouldn't they have taken it with them? Why blow it up?

"Normandy, the beacon is secure." Shepard reported, walking away from the beacon to get a clearer signal when Kaidan began to talk eagerly at the same time.

"This is amazing! Actual working Prothean technology. Unbelievable!" he said excitedly, moving closer to look at the beacon. Ashley rolled her eyes and scowled at the metal construct. Amazing wasn't the word she was going to associate with the thing that had gotten a peaceful world invaded and her friends killed.

"It wasn't doing anything like that when they dug it up." She admitted, grudgingly noting that the green light was quite nice, but refusing to stand around gushing over it. She turned to walk over to Shepard and wait for orders.

"Something must have activated it." She heard him musing to himself, and huffed. So Saren and his cronies just came to Eden Prime to, what? Turn it on? Maybe he's attracted to light, like a Moth. She sniggered over the image of a Turian fluttering around a light. Suddenly Shepard pushed past her, rushing towards the beacon. Ashley stumbled slightly and turned, her mouth dropping open as she saw the beacon pulsing with power, drawing Kaidan towards it.

Shepard grabbed him around the middle and used all her strength and body weight to toss him backwards towards Ashley. It was enough to get him out of the beacons reach, but it also weakened her enough to allow the beacon to drag her swiftly towards it. She struggled but it was useless, it pulled her in and suspended her in the air like a rag-doll. Kaidan regained his footing and tried to go after her, but Ashley grabbed him and kept him in place.

"No! Don't touch her, it's too dangerous!" She shouted, watching as Shepard suddenly became rigid. Grunts of pain escaped her, but the pulses didn't lessen, they seemed to get stronger and faster around her. Without warning the beacon exploded, flinging Shepard over their heads. They covered their eyes to block out the flash from the explosion, as soon as it was gone they sprang in to action. Ashley knelt by the Commanders prone form, making sure she was alive while Kaidan urgently called the Normandy for pick-up. The mission had just gone to Hell.

* * *

A.N.2: There is a Poll on my profile page, just wanting your input on which of my stories you want me to finish first as I have quite a few ongoing ones.


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